Your cube? or Mine?

One of the hardest things for me to grasp before I found this special use for the Rubik's cube, was understanding that people aren't always upset with you when they seem upset/angry.  I always used to think if someone was upset of angry with me that it was most definitely my fault (and only my fault).  Over the years it made for some severe dents into my self esteem and self perception of the degree to which I belonged in the world.

Once I started exploring the cube I realised I was totally wrong.  It wasn't that no-one tried to exlpain to me that sometimes people get upset with someone else because they have a problem; it just didn't click for me before I had a visual model.

If someone got cross at me I would instantly try and either defend my position or hunt desperately to find a way to fix this apparent flaw in my make-up.  Sometimes I didn't even understand what it was I needed to fix because the outburst could have been completely unprovoked (on these occasions my self-esteem took the biggest battering because not only was there clearly something wrong with me, but I was too 'stupid' to work out what it was and fix it).  Essentially I kept looking at my own cube.

I've realised in every interaction there are two cubes (at least).  It follows that if someone is upset or angry with me that I should really be looking at two cubes, not just one; I need to check their cube and mine.  As simple as it sounds, this was a revelation, and now that it's understood I am so much more protected from the downers I used to experience when I felt like everything was my fault.  I've learnt that most of the time, even if there is a problem with my cube that there is also a problem with the other persons cube.  Having taken that a step further a few times, I have discovered that if I simply recognise their 'cube' has a problem and gently offer to help fix whatever it is, that things calm down on the social front very nicely...

So remember - Next time someone gives you a hard time consider the fact that it may be because their cube is messed up, not yours...

(c) Arlene Taylor 2010